Like the opening ceremony for the 2012 Summer Olympics in London, the 2012 REI Culinary Olympic Camp Cooking Challenge wasn’t televised live. And that’s where the similarities end. REI combed the globe for chef-letes to participate and finally narrowed the list down to three finalists vying for the crown, the coveted REI Camp Cooking Challenge trophy. So Ted and I faced off against Chris Douglass and Nuno Alves of Tavolo and Patricia Yeo of Bravo’s Top Chef Masters.

Our charge was to prepare two dishes using the surprise ingredient, Acadian redfish -sebastes fasciatus- for four judges, and let me be the first to congratulate Chris Douglass and Nuno Alves on their victory. Nicely done, guys!

However… REI and the IOC apparently play the game by different rules. You see, to compete in the Olympics, one must be, how do I say this, drug-free. To compete for Recreational Equipment, Inc., one must have a pulse, and it became quite clear to me over the course of the afternoon, that Chris and Nuno are on the juice. What else could explain the oversize heads and, well okay, man boobs? And while I was unsuccessful in my many attempts to see their testicles, I’m pretty sure they’d get lost in a box of raisin bran, if you get my drift. Add to that the obvious anger management issues, and it’s case closed. I mean, who brings water balloons to a family friendly event? Who indeed. So congratulations Tavolo, but keep in mind, I got my eye on you.