Although she doesn’t like to brag, my pastry sous chef, Lindsey, is what we call in the industry a “career changer.” Career changers are predominantly women, but not always, who often wind up in pastry kitchens. It sounds like fun to them, as if any of this life were fun, as if your job is supposed to be fun. But of course it’s not. You’re supposed to hate your job. That’s why it’s a job. Anyway… in a prior life Lindsey earned advanced degrees in genetic engineering at MIT, a local school specializing in science stuff. And she’s been working like a dog on a new project.

So here you have it: Lindsey Middle Initial Mason has at last found a way to cross breed red velvet cupcakes with blue velvet cupcakes. After years of failed attempts, thousands of empty calories wasted, the pastry kitchen floor slick with the sweat of her brow. Congratulations, Lindsey. I think I speak for most of America when I say… You deserve a Lowenbrau. Isn’t her first litter adorable?